Being a "white girl" marrying a "black guy," left it fair for me to assume that I wasn’t going to have a child that looked exactly like me. So, when my husband and I got pregnant with our first baby, we figured we weren't going to have a white skinned, blue-eyed baby. Because my husband is half white, we knew there was some room to wonder, but we figured our baby would take on more of his characteristics than mine. And we were right. Our beautiful baby girl, Zoe, was born, with her dark skin, curly hair and brown eyes. She looked exactly like her daddy and she was breathtaking. Because we live in California, seeing a white mom with a black child is nothing to take a second glance at. Don’t get me wrong, I did have the few ignorant people ask me if she was adopted or who’s baby she was, but it was rare. Than pregnancy came a knockin’ again. We could not wait to welcome our second baby girl into this world and I was pretty sure she would be beautiful just like her sister. Then, Kaia was born and she was beautiful, just not just like her sister. This beautiful white skinned, blue-eyed baby entered our lives and forever changed my perspective on our world. “She’s white,” my husband and I said. “She’s white,” the pediatrician said. “She’s white,” our family and friends said. The fact that she is white wasn’t really all that surprising, because she looks exactly like me. The fact that she is blue-eyed wasn’t really a surprise either; because I am blue eyed and so is my mother-in-law. I guess we all just assumed she would look like her sister, and that is why we were surprised.
Now, back to her changing my perspective on this crazy world we live in. So, as I said before, seeing a white mom with a black child…not so weird, but seeing a white mom with a black child and a white child really throws people for a loop. “Oh your baby is so beautiful. That one [Zoe] isn’t yours is it?” “Are you the Nanny?” “Do they have the same Dad?” “No, they aren’t real sisters!” “Why is she so dark?” or “Why is the baby so white?” These are comments I get on a regular basis from strangers at the park, at Target, at the bank, at the grocery store, at Costco, etc. And I always give a very short and direct answer, “Yes, they have the same Dad,” “Yes, they are both mine,” “Yes, they are real sisters.” But what I really want to say is, “Are you an idiot?” Then I’d like to punch them and walk away. After angrily telling my husband about these comments day after day, he said, “I cannot believe you haven’t gone off on someone yet.” And to be honest, I can’t believe to either. But, Zoe is my rock. Every time I encounter an ignorant idiot, I remind myself that Zoe is watching and listening to how I respond to people to gauge how she should feel about herself. Zoe is beautiful, smart, loving and the light of our lives and she knows it…because we tell her. Kaia is beautiful, smart, loving and the light of our lives and she will know it also…because we tell her. What everyone else says will become background noise, because our children will know who they are and what ignorance looks like…at least that is my hope.
