Tuesday, November 29, 2011
My child will never do that....
As a trained Therapeutic Behavioral Specialist and Masters educated MFT, I knew that "My child would never do that." No way, no how. I would "control" each and every situation prior to the tantrum or the undesirable behavior. As I watch in amazement while mom drags her screaming toddler out of the grocery store, "My child will never do that!" I gasp at mom buying her two-year-old the toy she said "no" to minutes before, which lead to his epic meltdown, "My child will never do that!" I shake my head in disapproval at the mother chasing her toddler as he runs in the opposite direction laughing, "My child will NEVER do that!!" It's very easy to be a judgemental non-parent. Then my sweet baby turned two, and guess what? SHE DID THAT! Each and every thing that I shook my head at in disbelief, my toddler joyously acted out while I despriately tried to avoid eye contact with all the "oh so" judgement non-parents. I think to myself, who are these people staring at me while I am obvoiusly struggling to control this situation? Well, I was that person, and you probably were (or still are) also. So, lets figure out how to be understanding of a mommys daily "adventures" (that's the word that I like to use instead of madness).
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Just a few short months ago I was a judgmental non-parent, falling victim to the "I will never do that" syndrome, which is closely related to the " My child will never do that" disorder you are referring to. I'm sure many of you are familiar with or have had a bout of this ailment a time or two when standing in line at Target or at the park with your friend and her kids. You know the scenario where a mom does something apalling, like cater to her child's every whim and you say to yourself, "I will never do that!"
ReplyDeleteWell my friends and fellow mommy's, "I did just that." I am a first time mommy to a beautiful 5 month old bouncing baby boy and as a result have done and said all that I vowed I would never do and/or say. Like the mom that pulls the car over for her crying baby, or the mom that lets her baby sleep between her and her husband on a nightly basis. And the mom that nurses her baby all night long just to get a little sleep herself, or the mom that shoves a pacifier in her baby's mouth the second he comes out of her womb. Yep, it is true, I have done it all...I hate to admit it, but in fact I have committed one or all of these motherhood crimes everyday since bringing my baby home from the hospital.
I suppose as a previous non-parent it was very easy for me to make judgments about the moms out there, thinking to myself that there has got to be a better way to parent, other than constantly "giving in" to the demands of your child. But the truth of the matter is that the moms i was so quick to judge were merely doing what it takes to survive. So while motherhood may be the most rewarding job, it is undoubtedly the most difficult one and to put it simply, sometimes you just gotta do whatcha gotta do to get thru the day. And in doing so, you quickly learn that these so-called "crimes of motherhood" that we swore we would never do are really not a crime at all...they are coping mechanisms we use to maintain our sanity. And if they offer us some much needed sleep and possibly even some peace and quiet, then you can sure bet all moms will at some point pull that car over, put the baby in her bed, nurse the baby just because, and stick a pacifier in the baby's mouth.
-carrie